WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
