I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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