I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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