Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
