im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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