Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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