I could make wine with my vomit
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
