Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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