peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
