i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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