just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
