Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
