Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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