I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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