White coat. Heels.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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