Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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