why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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