God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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