So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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