Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
