uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
