I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
