She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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