I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
