with your own penis?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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