I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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