how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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