i just had sex bonerless
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
