We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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