we made out on top of his cat.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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