2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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