Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
