i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
