Sry I called you an 8
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
