Buhtt sex?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
