Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
