So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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