..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
