I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
