Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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