Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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