Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
