A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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