is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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