We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
