it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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