fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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