Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
