I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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