Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
