I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do you still have your period?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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