How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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