I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
