If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Im part way to drunk.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
