i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im holly from the hills drunk
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
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