Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
