I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
