Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
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It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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