remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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