My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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