How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
